they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize