She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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