mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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