he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
