Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
