K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
