nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
