This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
