I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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