Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
