bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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