my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
