Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
