ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
