if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
