so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
