I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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