someone get that fucking seahorse.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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