What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize