if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Randomize
