There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
