piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
