no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize