Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Randomize
