if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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