so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
