I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
