At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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