I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize