What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
