I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
