Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
