Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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