In the future we'll all be gay
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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