If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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