mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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