i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
