I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
