One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Randomize
