Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize