why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
