it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
