there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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