Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
