My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
