I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
