Tell her she can't have a vagina
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
