Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
