I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize