thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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