I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize