Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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