bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
