Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
