I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
