Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
So many bounce houses so little time
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize