Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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