Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
